The year was 2006 and I was 51 years old. Our family owned a second home in Park City, Utah that we used for summers and holidays. My two younger kids loved it so much out there that they asked if they could go to school there. So my wife and I agreed. She would live there in Utah and I would stay in Florida where my business was and where my 11th grade daughter was still in school. I agreed to go back and forth every two weeks to Utah.
Wanting to keep the Florida house clean and knowing that my daughter and I wouldn’t be much use, my wife decided to hire two girls to help out. They moved into our Florida home and their job was to clean the house, feed the dogs, do the wash, and cook a few meals. My wife had hired the girls over the phone from Utah — they came highly recommended from a friend of hers — and I never even met or spoke to them prior to their start date.
A week later, the doorbell rang with the arrival of my two new housekeepers. I opened the door and standing there with luggage in hand were two of the most gorgeous models I’d ever seen. They both had long hair, beautiful faces and bodies from the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition. To say I was shocked would be putting it mildly. After some brief conversation, I showed them to their separate rooms.
Fast forward six months. There wasn’t much housework being done, but the girls were great eye candy to have around. Then one night, while home alone in the family room watching TV, the girls joined me. I guess they were missing some fatherly bonding time. About fifteen minutes later, they asked if they could both put their heads on my lap and asked me to run my fingers through their hair. I said sure. I didn’t give it any thought. Though I must admit, I did enjoy their physical touch.
Two nights later, around 1:00 in the morning, one of the girls came into my bedroom and said, “I want to have sex with you.”
The word “no” didn’t enter my mind. What proceeded was an 8-week affair of daily sex. And then it ended as quickly as it began. My wife noticed my emotional and sexual distance and asked me if I had met someone at the office. I guess I could have denied the “met someone at the office” part, but I decided to come clean right away. I told her the whole truth. And then out the door went the two housekeepers.
The year that followed was very difficult for all of us. Even my kids were upset with how I made their mom feel. The emotional pain I caused her, for no reason, was not deserving. There is no excuse for what I did. I’m in control of my own behavior and what I did was dead wrong. I took 100% responsibility for my actions.
In retrospect, telling her the truth right away was a real blessing in disguise. My honesty was the first step in rebuilding that trust again. And I was lucky too. My wife believed that she had some role in my shortcomings for having hired the girls over the phone. What also helped us stay together was that my wife took inventory of what we built and created over all our years together and concluded it was worth at least one “I forgive you.”
My affair also came with some unexpected costs as my wife redid our entire master bedroom. The bed and headboard were thrown out. She wouldn’t even let me donate it to charity because she said it had bad karma attached to it. Pillows, sheets and bedspreads were the next to go. Walls were repainted and the carpet was replaced. Even the ceiling fan went. My wife sanitized our bedroom better than any hospital protects its employees from the Ebola virus. In the end, time did heal our wounds, but there will always remain a few sensitive scars.
My advice? Don’t cheat! And if you are cheating now, stop. If you can’t stop, get a formal separation agreement and leave the house. When you cheat on a partner, you also cheat on yourself. You subconsciously destroy your own self-esteem and self-respect. The universe will also punish you dearly in ways that you will not like.
If you’re about to embark on an affair, if you’re flirting your way into one, or you are just the type that is attracted to the excitement of one — STOP! Think about what you have with the one you’re with. Do you really want to cause them deep, intense emotional pain? Either way, don’t do it. Nobody wins. Make a decision that you will look back upon and be proud of.
Okay guys, whaddaya think?
Have you had a similar experience? Can you relate? Share your thoughts, your stories, your questions and advice so we can all learn from one another and make better decisions. Plus, you’ll get some huge karma points for doing so.
Have a great day and a great life.
A regular guy, another opinion.℠