In the US, the divorce rate is about 50% for first marriages, 67% for second marriages and 74% for third marriages. It would seem that the more we practice being married, the worse we get at it. So much for the old saying, “practice makes perfect.”
In total, about 80% of us adults will try our luck at marriage at least once. But before you do, there are a lot of things to consider first.
When should you pull the trigger? What’s important and what’s not important when choosing a spouse? Why do people get divorced? How do I make my marriage last? What’s more important, compatibility or sexual chemistry?
From what I’ve read, it seems the best age for a guy to get married is around thirty. This is because you know what you can and cannot live with; you know yourself and your values; and you know what your goals are.
As for characteristics in a mate, it seems that us guys prefer the following: she should be physically attractive, humble, intelligent, attentive to our needs, and very open with their feelings.
Now when it comes to compatibility vs. sexual chemistry, us guys go for the obvious: the sexual chemistry. Women seem to go for the opposite first. But guys, the truth is that compatibility is your best choice for long-term happiness and success.
All right, so here’s my story about my first marriage. As usual, I made all the wrong decisions and therefore all the mistakes. Here goes.
I married a high school homecoming queen. Looks were everything to me. I didn’t know anything about who I was as a person and I was very naïve about relationships. My parents had a messed up marriage for twenty-two years which also ended in divorce. So my example of a loving relationship was non-existent.
The year was 1979 and after a brief period of dating, we were married. After that, I immediately began focusing my attention on building my business, and not on my marriage. So in the end, instead of bedmates, we were roommates.
Ten years later, I met my second and current wife, Suzanne. We first met the weekend of July 4th, her birthday, and the sparks flew. Eight weeks later, we were engaged. Why wait when you know what you want? At the age of 32, I pretty much knew the characteristics I was looking for and she had all of them. We were both ready for marriage and I was now determined and committed to make this one last.
Without really knowing it, Suzanne and I had the 8 most important relationship characteristics that have kept our marriage strong:
1. We have a commitment to make the marriage work (we ended up doing a lot of counseling which all marriages need).
2. We have a great respect for one another.
3. We make sure to keep dating and traveling (honeymoons).
4. We keep the sexual chemistry alive.
5. We have open communication.
6. We have make-up sex when we argue … and I love to argue, LOL!
7. There’s positive friction between us.
8. We try to give more than we take.
Ok, now picture this. Imagine what your life would and could have been like if you had a life coach from the age of six on. Picture this person as someone who knew your strengths and weaknesses, and knew how to coach you to become the best at everything you chose to do. This coach was on your team full time. There was NO chance of failure, and success was GUARANTEED! This coach would also pinch hit for you when you needed or wanted a break. Negative self-conversations would never be allowed and only positive motivational talk was loaded into your brain drive. Where and who in life might you be today?
Gents, this is exactly what a good marriage can and should do for both you and your spouse. The key: choose your spouse wisely and don’t make physical attraction–based decisions. A bad marriage can be a life killer.
Okay guys, whaddaya think?
Have you had a similar experience? Can you relate? Share your thoughts, your stories, your questions and advice so we can all learn from one another and make better decisions. Plus, you’ll get some huge karma points for doing so.
Have a great day and a great life.
A regular guy, another opinion.℠