No matter who you are or how big and strong you may be, every one of us guys has one or more fears. Most of you won’t be that comfortable sharing your personal fears with others, but that’s okay. That’s just how we roll. But facing your fears and overcoming them can make a world of difference in your life.
In no particular order, here are what I believe to be the top 10 fears that men experience:
1. Fear of being a failure
2. Fear of appearing weak or needing help
3. Fear of not being a good dad or husband
4. Fear of financial loss
5. Fear of poor health in the future
6. Fear of being an inadequate lover
7. Fear of marriage or long-term commitment
8. Fear of public speaking
9. Fear of being wrong and being criticized
10. Fear of changing from the status-quo
Do any of these ring a bell for you? For me, about half of them rang true at different times in my life.
I think my first fear was about having sex with a girl. I went on many dates in high school but I must sadly admit they didn’t result in any sexual encounters. I was too nervous to make the first move, and back then high school girls weren’t as knowledgeable or aggressive as they are today.
My big breakthrough came when I was 18 and a 32-year-old friend of my parents (who might be called a cougar these days) asked me to hit some tennis balls with her. I agreed and then she whisked me away in her convertible. But she had no intentions of playing tennis that day. Soon we were headed back to her house and I didn’t see the light of day until she took me back to my parent’s house the following day. After that, I was pretty confident and she kept me around for a while for more lessons to be learned.
My second biggest fear was public speaking. I learned that in high school when I had to present in front of the class. But over time, and with practice, my Leo traits (Leos love to be in the limelight!) took over and I began to love public speaking — as long as I was prepared and knew what I was talking about. I used to push myself all the time to get speaking engagements in my field of expertise so I could keep improving.
My third biggest fear also surfaced when I was a teen. I didn’t know what I really wanted to be or what I wanted to get out of life. Consequently, I was concerned about being a failure. Of course I defined failure in my own way. But this fear eventually became a motivator for me and I used it to accomplish those things that would help guarantee my success. When fear is channeled in the right way and in the right direction, great things can be accomplished.
My last big fear was being wrong about something related to my profession and then being publically exposed for it. I guess that’s why today I question everybody about everything. I just want to make sure. My wife says that I question people like I’m taking their deposition. I don’t mean to come across like that — it’s just my fear coming out when asking the questions. (Too bad I didn’t become an attorney.)
The reality is that most of our fears come from negative self-talk and are nowhere near as frightful as we make them out to be. Talk to people close to you about your fears. They can help you see that you’re worrying over nothing.
Now, I’ll leave you with this:
Face your fears today and they’ll disappear for all your tomorrows. Left to deal with later, and they’ll grow with intensity.
Okay guys, whaddaya think?
Have you had a similar experience? Can you relate? Share your thoughts, your stories, your questions and advice so we can all learn from one another and make better decisions. Plus, you’ll get some huge karma points for doing so.
Have a great day and a great life.
A regular guy, another opinion.℠